One doesn’t expect much from Bodyguard except Salman's brand of entertainment which is about mindless and silly humour and Khan behaving like a one-man-army and beating ten guys in slow-mo. Wanted and Dabangg were good, Ready was stupid but a tad entertaining in a 90s’ sort of way, but Bodyguard really takes the cake in the dumb department. You are baffled that such a boring and terrible film even got made! Salman is taking his fans for granted now. I saw the film in the afternoon at a multiplex and was surprised to see that there were just about thirty people present.

Raj Babbar’s character Sartaj saves his bodyguard’s wife from a car accident and she gives birth to a son, Lovely Singh (Salman Khan). He becomes a bodyguard and is called on to guard Sartaj’s only daughter Divya (Kareena Kapoor). Her best friend is Maya (Hazel Keech). Divya doesn’t like having him around and is mean to him for no rhyme or reason. She calls him and pretends she is an admirer named Chhaya. Lovely falls in love with this fake woman and eventually Divya falls in her own trap. To add drama and length to the movie, she doesn’t really tell him she loves him and they both suffer (so do we!). Mahesh Manjrekar, Aditya Pancholi, and Chetan Hansraj play the villains.

Bodyguard is a show-reel for Salman Khan and his charisma. He looks absolutely smashing in his formal attire and his ultra fit physique makes his character believable. For the first time in a while, Khan is playing a sweet, sober, and level-headed guy and he does that quite endearingly. Salman single-handedly beats up ten guys so the action sequences are a replay of what we have seen in Wanted and Dabangg. We have had enough of that type of slow-mo action already! The special effects are very tacky and laughable. You also laugh during some scenes which are supposedly emotional. The music is nothing to write home about or even original.

Bodyguard is a very dated film as well. The film begins with a crisis but to introduce our hero, there is a song in the middle of the crisis! The heroine is dumb, mean, and forever dolled-up. Her best friend is obviously less glamourous and wears spectacles. She is also the one with brains. Kareena looks spectacularly gorgeous and that’s about it. This is not a role or film that she would like to be remembered for a few years later. There’s no real chemistry between Khan and Kapoor. Hazel Keech plays her best friend and makes an assured debut. The other actors: Raj Babbar, Mahesh Manjrekar, and Aditya Pancholi do nothing new. Rajat Rawail plays an overweight member of Kareena’s staff and he is simply there to be made fun of. The jokes on overweight people, homosexuals, and midgets are in awful taste. There is toilet and double-meaning humour as well. The lines are full of juvenile rhymes such as “Waiter, I’ll see you later!”, “You’re cool and I’m no fool!”, etc. Even teenagers can write more sensible lines. The first half doesn’t get you excited and the second half has unnecessary drama and is too long. Kareena’s character appears deranged. Her father is an important man but his character is not really established. Who has bodyguards these days?! The whole setting and story is implausible and dated. While watching the film, you actually wonder why it was made in the first place. How could anyone not demand changes in the script? The climax really tests your patience and you couldn’t care less about the “love story!”

Even Salman’s charisma can’t salvage the torture that Bodyguard is! It’s high time he stopped doing remakes of South-Indian films. We have had enough!